I like stress…I really do. It keeps me going. I can complain about it a lot, but when comes down to it, I really actually love it. It’s pretty much because I’ve learned to live with it, and now I can’t live without it. Sometimes I’ll take on too much and crash though. But that’s not the worst part, it’s taking on too much or having too much stress that I shouldn’t even be having. I’ve come realize that I create stress for myself…not just by doing things, but I’ll come up with something to stress myself out about. Scary part is, I think I like it. Yesterday was the first day of the New Year…and I spent it working. Well…sleeping mostly. I spent half the day asleep and the rest working till 2am. I got things done though. I love that feeling. I guess work is my drug, and the finished product is what I get high off of…that’s a weird way to put it, but hey it makes sense…a little…I don’t know much about drugs so…anyway
From asking some friends, it seems like what I need is a way to chill and have fun. Considering that I’ve programmed myself to consider working fun, I’ll go with chilling. But how do I do that? How do I chill? Honestly there isn’t one time that I was out with friends last year that I can say I was really and truly chilling. Lost? Not to worry, I am too. See, chilling to me is being free of thinking about work or anything like work in general. It’s letting go of everything and living. And as I’ve said before, that’s my goal this year. To live life to the fullest. So therefore, logically, to live life to the fullest, I need to learn how to chill.
Weird thing is, this seems like a lot of work to find out how not to be consumed by work. By the way “Work” is pretty much anything I’m doing for school, family, or friends. It’s not any easy fix, I know that. But I’ve got to find a good solid medium ground. And I’ve got to start somewhere.
Today it’s by going to the gym for the first time in my life, maybe I’ll find my release in working out. Oh the irony.
A. This post had 389 words before this line. Now it is 400 🙂