Seeking…a relationship?

I always have some type of off land-ish inspiration for my posts…today’s was something I found last night early this morning (2 a.m).

Now, before you click play, I’ll let you know that it is rap, but I really hope you can give it a chance a listen to it. Of course I could just make you listen to it by making it play automatically, but I won’t do that to you. I guarantee you won’t hate this music or the video. well you might hate the music, but you can’t hate the video. At least I hope you won’t.

Like I’ve said before, Music has a huge impact on my life. It always has, and always will. Jack and Olive is the couple I want to be in life. 

To be honest, I don’t really know what I want out of relationship. I’ve seen people get hurt, fall in and out, and go love sick over relations. I really don’t know what the big deal is. And I’ve always said to myself that I’m staying out of that entire thing because I really don’t want to find out…but it’s my senior year…and now I do want to find out.

I want to know what it’s like to be someone’s boyfriend.
I want to know what it’s like going out on date.
I want to know what it’s like to just be with someone.
I want to know what it’s like to be completely devoted to making someone happy.
I want to know what it’s like doing little cute things for someone.
I want to know what it’s like to love unconditionally.
I want to know.

But I don’t want to know just for knowing. I actually want to develop something with someone. I’ve been told I’m more of the friend type than boyfriend. Truth is…I don’t even know the difference. It’s a completely new ball game. On that I’m not sure I’m ready to get into…but I want to. This isn’t like a sudden urge. I’ve been thinking about this since high school started…and since this summer, I’m more comfortable with myself and my mind isn’t as wild and all over the place as it used to be. I can think clearly (most of the time) now.

I came up with an idea for the perfect first date for myself…I wasn’t really thinking of anyone in particular when I thought of this…just thinking of stuff I’ve seen and heard about and etc.

Drive to city we’ve never been to before (preferably a small one with
a beach nearby, this would probably work best near the west coast…but lakeside work too) , park the car near the beach and walk around the city, while
we’re walking around the city; a) find a restaurant and convince the
cook to make us something new b) go to a book store and leave notes in
books, c) something else exciting, all the while getting as far from
the beach as possible and then when it’s getting close to night time,
start walking down to the beach and get there just as the sun is
coming up and have a breakfast (that we packed with us or bought from town) and then just lay there till morning watching the sun come up. 

So…yeah. I know it sounds like a really corny stupid thing…but I think that’d be really fun and relaxing (And we all know how much relaxing I need) Which brings me to another point, having a girlfriend to focus on, and knowing that I’ve got to devote time with her, would make me be more relaxed about just having free time and just relaxing.

It’s just something new I guess…I’m growing up, and finding myself. I’ll need help along the way…and this is a part of that.

But I don’t know where to start. Or what to do. I don’t want to deal with drama (Yeah I know you’re giving me a face and telling saying “Ha! you’re so hopeless”) I don’t want to be a weird creeper too late! and I just really don’t know. I love that song though. and the video.

Before you ask, I don’t have anyone in mind that I’d actually see myself with. I’m not saying I don’t know anyone or like I don’t find them my type (I don’t even know what the heck my “type” is) or whatever… but I just don’t see myself risking a friendship for a relation. Yeah I’m not taking my own advice. What a hypocritical idiot I am.

I guess “we found love in a hopeless place” is really a true song…

I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’ll be happy either way. At least I think I will. Maybe I won’t. But Never say Never though.

145 (wow these are going by really fast)

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